New Yorkers are Stupid Drunks

In re Integrated Beverage Group Ltd., Petitioner-Appellant, v New York State Liquor Authority.

The New York Supreme Court, Appellate Division for the first department has concluded that New Yorkers are too stupid to decipher the difference between alcoholic products and non-alcoholic products. The court upheld the judgment of the Supreme Court, New York County, entered on or about December 27, 2004, which denied the petition of the Integrated Beverage Group to annul the State Liquor Authority's determination denying petitioner's application to register proposed labeling for three malt beverage products.

The product in question, "Freaky Ice"

"(characterized on the labels as a "malt beverage with natural flavors") is intended to be consumed when frozen solid, which is unusual for alcoholic beverages. Like many ice treats appealing to children, "Freaky [*2]Ice" is packaged in packets, from which a person apparently extrudes the frozen product to consume it. The product comes in three different fruit flavors (Passion Cocktail, Cherry Fusion, and Lemon Stinger). Although the "Freaky Ice" labels indicate that the product contains alcohol, and should not be sold or served to children, the SLA accurately noted that this warning is set forth in 'small type."

Apparently drawing from their own mild retardedness which impairs their ability to read and associate alcoholic beverages with adults only, the SLA decided to do the world a favor and protect humankind one evil beverage at at time by banning the sale of this devil product in New York.

Besides, if you were getting confused as to whether these were innocent kiddie pops or mind altering grown-up mouth tasties, you could always ask this super serious, scantily-clad helper, who apparently comes with every Freaky Ice display:


















Are these people just straight up MEAN? Do they despise all things fun and tasty? What could possibly be funner and more delicious than a pop cicle that gets you drunk? Maybe brownies that make you hallucinate? Next thing you know, some Natzi is going be taking those off the market!

special thanks to Tony for making this post possible :p